Thursday, 18 August 2011

Bob Moving on but need to make sure Bob doesn't come back ....

A friend sent me a text today which made me think:

3 things in life that never come back when gone:  time, words, opportunity
3 things in life that never should be lost: peace, hope, honesty
3 things in life that are most valuable: prayer, love, faith
3 things that make a person: hardwork, sincerity, commitment
3 things in can destroy a person: lust, pride, anger
3 things in life that are constant: God, change, death

I would probably add to the most valuable health as well! 

I have my faith which I find comfort in especially going through this situation and lay my anxieties out in prayer.  I am not angry at what life has brought me, although I sometimes think “why me?” then turn it around and say “why not me?” and feel closer to God.  Through times of adversity hidden strengths can be found in all kinds of people – those who organise, those who counsel, those who heal, those who are inspirational and I have met all these kind of people going through this journey.  I have been told that I am a brave courageous person, but I don’t feel brave or courageous, just the realisation that this is something I must get on with and get through so I can carry on and would rather do this as positively and calmly as I can.
So its good news that Bob has now gone out of my life and all that needs to happen now is preventing Bob from coming back.  My chemo will start in about two weeks’ time. 
Six sessions of 2 hour chemo three weeks at a time, and then radiotherapy for another three weeks.  This is the time I fear the most with all its side-effects but right now I still taking it one step and one day at a time, trying to enjoy the now .  My cousin will try to come to as many treatments as possible, holding my hand and keeping my spirits up and the breast care nurses will be with me on every treatment.

Oh and I have also put on nearly two stone since just before and after my op, and I am not moving my arm in the right way and need urgent physio  so I don’t get stuck with a frozen shoulder for many years – so I also need to try and find a regime of dieting, exercise as well as keeping my sugar levels in check, preventing infection and maybe just maybe give up smoking if I don’t find it too stressful.  LOL  - there really is nothing new there! I’ll update you on my progress …..

Going back to the text I received, I see my blog as an opportunity to get down my feelings in words at the time I am thinking them.  I hope it does bring peace to those who worry about me, it’s being written with complete honesty conveying the hope I have on full recovery.  Through my faith and prayer, and the love I have of others and they of me I find comfort, and it certainly takes hardwork, commitment and sincerity from others to support me and be my friend at this time.  Lust, pride and anger are things I will skip over at this time but they are certainly buried somewhere in my psyche – especially anger and pride if I am truthful.  Death is with us all the time and Bob has definitely made me dwell on it for a while although I try to turn my mind away from this as definitely not a positive thought!  Change – life is full of changes and I am a testament to that - we all need to adapt to life and what it throws at us, it never stays still even if we want it to - and God is something personal to me and means many things to different people.  I do wonder sometimes about those who are going through the same process as me but who do not have the support systems around them such as I do – so really I do not have anything moan about and a lot to be thankful for!

Despite fearing what is to come, strangely, I have found myself more hopeful today.

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