Extracts taken from the Scary Mother Manifesto.
- I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable. - I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.
- I shall never claim to know everything about any child but my own. (who still remain a mystery to me.)
- I shall not preach the benefits of breastfeeding or circumcision or home schooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.
- I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud-mouthed, bikini clad, water gun shooting toddler of my very own.
- I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me.
Why am I putting this up on my blog - its a reminder than other than trying to get myself well I am also a single mum trying to parent my child under challenging circumstances. Mcmillian have a very useful leaflet on how to explain cancer to your children and the emotional impact it can have and for me honesty is the best policy with a positive spin especially with a chold who wants to know everything! Each step of the way my son has travelled with me on this journey as well, being sent away to very kind family to help me recover and heaped more responsibility on him but trying to maintain to let him still be a child learning from experiences both good and bad. My son has his moments when he pushes both mine and other peoples buttons he is 13 not yet an adult but trying to be with the need to be the young child within him who needs approval, hugs and unconditional love. When I have my chemo my only concern is that he may be able to go to people as a bolt hole when I have my bad days, or someone will cook him dinner when I don't want to eat or cannot cook myself - having that continquency would be great weight of my mind. But understanding others children is not an easy thing to do even if you think you do. You understand your children much better than anyone else - their moods, what makes them happy, whats the best way to discepline them and to look after their emotional security but even then teenage thoughts and needs can be a mystery - totally agree with Scary Mother! I don't always get it right, but I do my best. My son is not the easiest of children as he can't ever sit down, jumping from one idea to another, likes to wind up people deliberately/and not deliberately and succeeds- hard to keep up with. But on the whole he is a good kid and in his own way is being very supportive, protective and loving. Its not only me who have had challenges over the last two years, he has as well and I want to him to be able not to look over his childhood not with regret and saddness but at all the good things he has achieved and the happy times. We both need some good things to look forward to, and that will be my next mission to try to do this at each milestone of the chemo.
Will know more tomorrow - the waiting game is the hardest to cope with most of all. Last week I posted on facebook Katherine Jenkins singing the hymn Dear Lord and Father of Mankind with the last line "O Still Small Voice of Calm" - and that is really what I am striving to find in my soul that still small voice of calm.
O still small voice of calm"