"Love is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It
is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never
fails" (NIV).
“Love is the joy of
the good, the wonder of the wise, and the amazement of the Gods. “ Plato
I know this is a huge and complicated subject one that has been explored for centuries and I probably can’t do it justice here and satisfy everyone’s views and opinions of love – I can only put my own spin on it and tell where my journey has led me. Warning its quite a long blog!
“I believe in the
compelling power of love. I do not understand it. I believe it to be the most
fragrant blossom of all this thorny existence. “ - Theodore Dreiser
The main thing I have learned is that love is not necessarily about people spending time with you, or needing you, but about being there for you no matter what and vice versa. It’s about acceptance and letting go. Accepting that people won’t always be the people you want them to be, act the way you want them to act, or do what you want them to do and finally by letting go of your expectations and loving them for whom they are.
“The greatest
happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or
rather, loved in spite of ourselves. “ Victor Hugo
Despite believing this though, my expectations of love have been high - particularly with regard to unconditional love over the last few years or so - and you can push love to its limits whether is regarding colleagues, friendship, family or lovers.
“ Love is when you need someone to be a part
of your life, even when they are boring and dumb and rude, because you know
they will again have one of those moments where they shine and that light is
what you need to survive.” – Unknown
Of course there are different degrees of love - love of animals, your
children, lovers, husbands and wives, parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, sisters
and brothers and nieces and nephews, friends, colleagues, of God and humanity
itself. Each has a part of my
heart. The love has always there but I
also believe that for someone to grow deeper love, they also have to go through
some pain. Just as there is different
degrees in loving there are also different degrees of pain and suffering and it
is through this that we learn how to love.
“Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them
not to do it” – unknown
The Greeks had just four words for love: affection, friendship, Eros,
and charity. Loving kindness,
compassion, appreciative joy, and understanding; are just four qualities of heart
that reside within everyone or at least has the potential to do so. I believe that love can be strengthened
through practice. This is very much
recognised in Buddhism. It can be easy
to say you love all things in the abstract, but it can be a great challenge to
do so when we have to live with them. It is one thing to love and another to
express that love in daily life. I do try
to cultivate the ability to bring love into all aspects of my life and to all
people I encounter. This is not as easy
as it sounds! Learning how to include
love’s presence while we speak to others, live with others, and are in conflict
with them can be very difficult.
“A loving heart
is the beginning of all knowledge. “ Thomas Carlyle
I have a great affection for
many different people. This kind of love
has been described as the most natural, emotive, and complicated of loves:
natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the
result of fondness due to familiarity; and complicated because it pays the
least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy
of love. Its strength is also what makes
this kind of love vulnerable and as a result people come to expect, even to
demand, its presence—irrespective of their behaviour and its natural
consequences. With my immediate family
it’s all about unconditional love whereas with my some of extended family it
has seemed more about keeping within rules and boundaries – some of which I
seem to have broken. Sometimes we expect
too much of our families and expect them to be a friend instead. I think my expectations of unconditional love
were probably too high.
“Love is when the
one person in the world that shouldn’t make you cry just happens to be the one
person in the world that makes you cry the most”- Malinda
I came across a meditation recently to help you to forgive those who
have hurt you and those you have hurt to forgive you, and by the very act of
forgiveness attracting love and contentment in your life (rather than obsessing
on the issues of the past) and moving forward. So while relaxing in the sun, visualise the
person walking on to a stage. See a white
loving light of the universe pouring through your heart surrounding them. Tell
them how you feel. Hear their
replies. Forgive them and hear them
forgive you. See a scythe of white light
cutting the cords that bind you together releasing negativity. Let the cord return to the person as they
leave the stage. The next time you think
of them, the connection will be lighter, making way for more light, joy and
love in your life.
Love prospers when a
fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (NLT)
Proverbs 17:9
Friendship is freely chosen
and seems the happiest and most fully human of all loves. Sometimes we tend to
ignore the importance of this kind of love.
Again there are different degrees of friendship and our ideas of what it
means to be a good friend, a close friend, a really close friend or a best
friend are all different. We may
describe someone as a friend, to which
we enjoy each other's company, are useful to one another, and share a common
commitment to the good' . Friends rely
on each other both for support and a sense of personal identity, but also
accept that each needs the space to develop relationships with others.
“It is those who
desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly
friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any
incidental quality” - Aristotle
“Material things
can't make the soul whole. Only the love, trust, and loyalty of friends can do
that. – Unknown
My idea of a good friend is a person who will hold my hand when I’m
scared, helps fight off those who try to take advantage of me, thinks of me at
times when I am not there, reminds me of what I have forgotten, helps me to put
the past behind me but also understands when I need to hold on to it a little longer, stays
with me so that I have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for me,
helps me clear up my mistakes, and helps
me deal with pressure from others, smiles for me when they are sad, helps me to
become a better person, and most importantly loves me! I know very high expectation but one I would
reciprocate in every way!
"Friendship
that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that
flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter." - James Fennimore Cooper
During my cancer journey I lost a few friends but also became closer to
others. I tried to ponder why I lost some friends – and think some of it was
because I suddenly found myself disconnected from dozens of people who were my
"friends". I was lax in returning calls mainly because I
was going through a tough time and found myself not really up to talking to
anyone and also became very inwardly focused. Most of my friends understood this and gave me
space when I needed it although I can understand why others may have felt
snubbed (this is the same for family as well).
Some People just didn’t know what to say so avoided me not being able to
handle the negativity of my illness. I am certainly a different person now than
when I was first diagnosed with cancer and although it has hurt to lose friends
I have made some new friendships whose relationships are now developing and
flourishing.
“We are not the same
persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we,
changing, continue to love a changed person. “ W. Somerset Maugham
Eros is the kind of love
which I don’t have right now and not sure if I do want – although it’s not
completely off the agenda!!! This is all about making a strong emotional
connection with another person - a type of love that creates excitement at the
beginning of a new relationship where some people experience love with a lot of
passion, intimacy and intensity. It’s
not necessarily a healthy kind of love and can become dangerous if it becomes
idealised. Rolled into this is that some
people experience love as a game to be played with other people’s emotions to
gain control over a partner through manipulation. For people who experience this kind of love,
it is satisfying to outwit a partner and exploit his or her weaknesses. I have lived through this kind of love in
many various ways and say no thank you!
“Love comes when
manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his
or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare
to be vulnerable.” – Dr Joyce Brothers
“Love is always
bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love
to be loved; we love to love. “ Leo Buscaglia
Love can be overwhelming experience; resulting in a complete loss of
one’s identity. Some people love tends
to burnout before it gets the chance to mature. People who experience this kind
of love are easily taken advantage of – I am not getting caught in this trap
again either!
"Sometimes we
must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, and sometimes
our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears." – Unknown
Charity is the love that
brings forth caring regardless of the circumstance and some sees this as the
greatest of loves. Charity came into
English from Latin and Old French, meaning love and care for our neighbours. Some people experience this kind of love as being
the caregiver or nurturing - attentive,
caring, compassionate and kind - a more
altruistic or selfless type of love. If you like, defined as “humanism”. This
kind of love has many faces, such as a warm smile to strangers, a personal
thank-you-letter, an encouraging hug, an unexpected phone call, a thoughtful
word of appreciation, a bonding with a person in grief, a prayer for the
healing of others, a heartfelt forgiving when you are wronged. All this is done not out of duty or
responsibility but out of the abundance of warmth and love you feel welling up
inside you.
“ You will find as you look back upon your
life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have
done things in the spirit of love. “ Henry Drummond
This is the love I am trying to encourage and grow within me not just
the feeling, but by actions. It is the kind of love I have most appreciated on
my cancer journey which has taught me most of all compassion. You may not call it yourself love, but I
think I would call it the most natural kind of love and one which is shared by
all people because we are born with it. I don’t want to be the kind of person who loves,
but only in response to the love shown towards me. I want to be able to love freely, not judge
people and dismiss them because of their views, or feelings, their background
or the way they look or talk.
"If you judge
people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa
Dear children, let
us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV) 1 John
3:18
I am not looking to become the perfect person far from it - every day
frustrations interfere, and I have also had to learn another valuable lesson in
that I need to love myself as well – that also means taking care of myself from
a health perspective and despite what I have gone through I am not very good at
that either! It’s something I do have to keep practicing like working the
muscles in my ankle. Loving doesn’t mean not getting angry or disappointed it
just means doing what is right from your heart. You may disagree with me on several aspects in
this blog – but a least you are having a debate with your heart and yourself (or
others) on the nature of love!
“Love is the
foundation from which your decisions about your life should be made. “ Darren
L. Johnson
However, you never know the strength or what the capacity of loving can
do if you don’t take a risk and dive in and what joy and happiness it can give
you as well!
“To love and be
loved is to feel the sun from both sides." - David Viscottus
“There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of
being loved: It is God's finger on man's shoulder. “ Charles Morgan
No comments:
Post a Comment