Friday, 22 July 2011

A single mum with Bob

Here is just a bit more about myself.  Two years ago I ran from London to Colchester after an abusive 18 year marriage - I had found the courage to get out and create a better life for both me and my son.  My cousin instrumental in my move offered me a family friend's  house to live in at a nominal rent so I was lucky I had somewhere to go.  When I first moved down both I and my son struggled -  I commuted to my work (a 4hour journey per day) never getting to work on time and always late home - juggling home life with work life - ensuring my son was taken care off while I was commuting - in the holidays etc.  My son struggled with his new school, the move and his feelings about his dad.  His dad found our telephone number and was ringing day and night - I had to change my number twice until BT sorted it all out.  My son's dad deliberately didn't allow him to contact him on his birthday and he denied contact on my son's birthday.  Then my son sent him a father day's card which he sent back to his school saying he was no longer his dad  - he knew where he was going to school!  From then on my son decided to put his dad out of his mind.  Then my husband threatened my life - stupid man he left a voicemails threatening me at my workplace - after the CSA took some money from him for our son's maintenance (and its not that much either!).  He was cautioned from the the police.  I became very depressed and couldn't cope anymore and signed off sick from work.  I never went back.  Throughout my depression I faced the reality of the abuse that both I and my son had gone through - I visited the Women's Refuge, both my son and I went into counselling.  Gosh this sounds all doom and gloom - but it wasn't - for the first time I could laugh freely, I could have a completely happy day - both my son and I could breathe again without tiptoeing on eggshells not expecting when the next outburst of nastiness would happen. It wasn't easy dealing with all those negative emtions for both of us but we came through it and we came through it together stronger!  We both took up cycling and became Colchester Cyling Stars being filmed for an advert- and still volunteer now on stalls etc.  In December I got a new job working for a Bishop - a lovely job - the money was a lot less but no more commuting and I could wave my son to school and be back just an hour after him - with Fridays off!!  My son was doing well at school - top sets - he was beginning to fit in - I was focussing on trying to set up a single parents support group which Colchester hasn't got liaisng with the North Essex Parenting Group - and then wham Bob came along.  In some ways I shouldn't be surprised - living with all that adreline and negativing and stress - its not good for the soul and its got to go somewhere and it was Bob.  Over the last two years I have done some of the most stressful things people can do - divorce, moving and a new job let alone trying to get back on our feet.  I will talk more about my son in my blog - but I have a lot of catching up to do on this blog to get it up-to-date from Easter to now!

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